April 17, 2009

fun with texts

I started collecting my text messages in a file on my laptop a couple years ago, since I always agonized about deleting the funny/sweet ones. (I was tickled to discover that Sarah does the same thing on her blog). For your amusement (maybe):

Oh! I could have saved you with my two people, three napkin rule!

Remember the Flowbee? What the hell kind of person trusts their vacuum to give them a haircut?

My drink says "nourishing the body whole" I thought it said "nourishing the baby whale"

I just saw writing on a bathroom wall that was in exactly your handwriting and it said 'we are going to have open sexual intercourse on every street corner in AMERICA!'

totally thought the bumper sticker in front of me said i heart hell

I just ate grilled cheese with spicy, crunchy indian snacks in it dipped in barbecue sauce. I am never having sex again.

While you were having sex, I was having a sex dream about me and bill clinton.

At the airport. Just heard in the still of the night scored for bass clarzihorn, oboe, floten and possibly also b flat clarzihorn. it was painful.

Spent a pleasant evening at the hot tub with officer mike where we discussed taxes and his dental work. do I live the life or what?

Someone else's mexican fiance is getting me drunk in a bar that looks exactly like my gram's basement. Strip Polka is playing on the jukebox because I requested it. any last words?

POOP TEA!

I just had the impulse to send tiger a text message. (ed. note: Tiger is a cat)

Ava is going to whittle the driftwood jesus!!

Maybe it's Juan Valdez. That'd be sweet. I hope he rides a donkey in columbia sometimes

Oh. Spontaneous choreographed group dancing. Most tragic movie move.

HI jeSSICA ARENT YOU PROUD? MY FIRST TEXT MESSAGE! LOVE MOM

You were just used as an example in rehearsal. Naughty librarian!

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