August 14, 2013

it's funny, I was just having a conversation last week about how there are certain things in my life -- fundamental things -- that I routinely forget I like. they are: running, horseback riding, reading. but I forgot one! writing. writing, you guys. oh hey.

once you stop writing it is so easy to just stay stopped. I mean, what do I really have to say, you know? and it's time-consuming and my feeble laptop frequently stumbles off the internet for long stretches at a time. etc etc.

but, I mean, this summer. this summer was fucking nuts. I worked too much and all I wanted was to be outside and riding my bike or my horse or sleeping in a tent somewhere. instead I got into that car accident, and I was tired all the time, and I probably ate too much cheese.

also, I fell in love, hard in love, entirely unintentionally. an accident. in the spring I went on a series of stupid mediocre dates and I had just about resigned myself to I guess this is how it is now? not terribly exciting and then we met and that was the end of that. oh right, I thought to myself, in abject relief, THIS is how it's supposed to be.

a girlfriend once, awhile back, mentioned something she'd seen quoted somewhere, that you know when your friend finds the right partner because they just shut up. I think of this all the time. there's so much truth to it. this time last year I was talking daily to my friends at work, going through the exact conversations g & I had had, what had happened, what we thought was going to happen. we hashed out every detail. it was a tiny tempestuous drama. now I walk by and they say, "how is he?" and I say, "he is great," and I mean it through and through, and that's it.

in general, I feel like I might be standing at a crossroads. a really big one. there's a lot going on in my head, about love, about work, about my body and my purpose and my whole life, and I can't really write about most of it. some of it is hard, some of it is private. problems.


the garden suffered through the now annual span of summertime benign neglect, while I was out of town. it was hot and I'm not sure if anybody watered it and the salvia died but otherwise everything is jurassic sized and I'm going to have possibly literally 50 pounds of beans once they finally start going, which they haven't yet because I planted them late. I keep telling myself I have to get fall seeds in the ground and I'll probably keep saying that to myself until october and then it'll be too late and I can just eat soup and forget about it.

I haven't done a thing with Cookie recently and I'm hoping to change that next week.

I went back to work at the opera on monday. returning is no big deal this year.

I'm writing a lot of letters. I'm trying to eat my veggies. I'm sporadically running and I have hardly touched my bike all summer. I was going to kick it into high gear once I got back from my recent trip but now I have other things on my mind. so many things, y'all.

and seriously, he is great.

that guy.