November 5, 2011

okay, okay.

the horse
is double leased, beginning november 15. one of her new riders is my age, with a few years of hunter/jumper experience. the other is a 14-year-old girl in the barn's 4H club, who got bucked off in her very first ride -- the first time Cookie has managed to unseat anyone in 3 years. I'm actually glad about that fall, because it gave me confidence that the girl knew my horse at her worst and still liked her.

being double leased means that Cookie officially is paying her own bills. I'm not 100% confident that the first girl will stick with her (she expressed a concern that she might be overhorsed), but it is certainly nice for the time being. as good as the financial aspect is the fact that my horse will finally get worked enough and I won't have to say a silent benediction over the saddle every time I get on.

the opera
although it hasn't officially been announced yet, two weeks ago I effectively absorbed into my duties a part-time job that was available in my department. the job was mostly what was reallocated a few years back in the great reshuffle; probably 70% of the duties are things I used to do. the increase in responsibility comes, of course, with a healthy increase in my salary, and for the first time in several years I actually don't feel terror when I think about money. between 2005 and this year I took a nearly $10K pay cut -- this is something I hadn't realized up until I was negotiating the new salary. it made me feel better to realize how little I was making. it turns out the reason it's felt like I did't have any money was because I didn't.

social media
I quit facebook. so, that's a thing.

also a thing
I'm going to spend all day next thursday modeling/running for a nike video shoot. this is because on a whim, I answered the ad, posted by a local running store, which called for women who looked like elite high school cross country runners.

it's national blog posting month. a post a day, all november. I thought about doing it, but then I felt intensely resistant to even existing on the internet at all. so, I didn't.

the garden
yeah, I should probably go over there. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get in trouble for not cleaning up my plot -- all my tomato cages, stakes, poles, etc are all still there. I have bulbs to plant. and I have to check on the aphid situation (I mixed up a concoction a few weeks ago and sprayed the everloving crap out of the brussels sprouts). I'm mostly just glad to put the thing to bed. there are still tomatoes ripening on my kitchen windowsill.

I'm going to own it. that's how low my weight got as a result of heartbreak and stress. I hit that number just three weeks ago. the last time the scale said that, I was 14 years old.

I lost my boobs. it makes me sad.

I promise I am now eating again. I made some peanut soup last week. it was delicious. on my last day off from work, I bundled up (it's winter here now, apparently) and went over to the ramen truck, where I got a giant bowl of ramen with all sorts of delicious things in it, brought it home, and ate it watching the last episode of my princess, the latest korean drama I've found myself glued to.

korean tv
I don't know what it is about it. there have been days when korean tv shows were what kept me going. that is not an exaggeration.

wrong mileage
I ran into a runner friend on this morning's run, and I'm still sad that I had to turn around before we had a chance to catch up -- she was running 10, I was running 7.

the strip
my sister and I are running the las vegas rock & roll half marathon in december. we got comped entries from the running blog. we are really excited. costumes will be involved.

the silver lining
my sister and I have both been having hard times personally, but as a result are closer than we've ever been. do you know how hard it is to meet your sister when you're already a grownup? no matter how hard you want to be close, it still just takes time.

the hard stuff
continues to be hard. I honestly don't even know what else to say about it.

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