March 3, 2010

on faith

1. Last week, not in the mood to run, I told myself I would still go but I was allowed to go as slow as I wanted. I wore my Garmin but I didn't check it during the run; I ran at a relaxed pace and it felt good. As I ran, I tried to predict my pace. 9 minute mile? 9:30? I got back to the office and glanced at my wrist. 8:25. Faster than I often run when I'm pushing it. I've run a couple times since then and the slowest I've gone is 8:33. It turns out that I can trust my body with pace. When I try to push, I often just up my adrenaline, get anxious, quicken my breathing too much, and (apparently) slow down. Discovering that my body knows how fast to go is amazing. I wonder if it can relax into a sub-8?

2. Cookie has decided she likes me again. The days of rearing and bucking are apparently over for awhile. When I show up, she nuzzles me for treats. She stretches her neck out luxuriously to be brushed. She leans her heavy head up against me. On the longe line she still throws her head around, but is not as badly behaved as she used to be. Under saddle, she canters without threatening to toss me off. I think she's come to trust that I'll come out and be with her; I'm no longer a person who only rides her once in awhile, as I was in December and January. Now I'm a person who sometimes brings treats; who scratches her itchy places; who lets her eat grass in the side pasture.

4. Back in January, I left my favorite raincoat at the barn one night. I didn't mean to have it with me in the first place, but I'd left my barn coat at home and it was cold. That night I took it off and left it on a tack box; I forgot to take it home, and in subsequent trips I wouldn't think of it until I left. When I finally remembered to look for it, it was nowhere to be found. I've left notes in the barn asking if anyone's seen it; I've checked all the barn bins; I've looked in every tack room and in the viewing room, all with no luck. It would seem that someone's walked off with it. I've been so sad about it that I've actually had dreams about finding the coat in obvious places, like my coat rack at work or the hall closet. And yet I have the niggling feeling that the coat isn't gone forever. When Nub went missing, and it seemed for sure that he would never be returned, I never quite believed that he was lost forever. After all, I knew where I'd left him. Surely he was somewhere. It took a lot longer than I expected, but he made his way back. So, as for the coat, I think I just have to have faith.

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